Are you a one or a two?
Last week on a group call, a woman told us she'd just signed a work contract she'd been chasing for months. The agreement was clean. Her rate held. She had the materials organized and her ideas ready. Kickoff was the next morning.
And she was a wreck.
"The person I'm helping doesn't really want help," she said. "I don't know how to show up for someone who might not want me there."
So I took the whole group on a ride.
There are two good answers. The rest is a mess.
With any person, in any moment, you're in one of two good places.
The first is one-to-one. You're equals. The conversation makes sense, and you both feel treated that way. You can be one-to-one with a CEO or an eight-year-old. "Chuck E. Cheese? Nah. Pizza Hut?" "Deal." Equals.
The second is a happy one and a happy two. One person leads and wants the job. The other is thrilled to go along. "You always pick the best restaurants. I'm not even looking. Take me." Both of you are happy, and both of you know your place.
Then there's everything else:
- The happy one with a disgruntled two. The two says yes, then shows up late and doesn't call back. They never say what they need, and they keep a running list in their head of everything the one should be doing better.
- The disgruntled one with a happy two. The boss who won't replace the assistant who isn't working out. The parent quietly cleaning up the kitchen instead of saying something. The two has no idea anything's wrong.
- The one who drops to a two. They lead by making sure everyone's happy. They don't decide; they bottleneck, and pretty soon everyone else is running the place.
- The one and only. "I'm in charge, and you should be grateful to be here."
- The one on the outside, the two on the inside. You nail the presentation, go home, and ask yourself for three hours whether it was good enough.
Every one of us rolls through these power dynamics weekly. The work is noticing where you are and getting yourself back to being a Happy 1 or a Happy 2.
Back to our new contractor.
She was hired to be the one. The person she's helping is overwhelmed and struggling. That's exactly why she needs someone in charge. And fear had her dropping to a two, Goodie 2 shoes, hoping to be liked.
If you were caring for a sick parent, you wouldn't ask whether they felt like drinking some water. You'd hand them the glass.
"But my brain keeps telling me I'm going to screw it up," she said.
Of course it does. That's your lower self, and I've never met a brain without one. Expecting fear to disappear is like expecting to wake up with good breath. Nobody does. You brush your teeth and get on with your day. When I hear that voice, I say "ta-ta-ta" out loud to make fun of it, and then I go back to my dream.
The funniest part? Three weeks earlier, everything felt scary because nothing was happening for her. Now everything felt scary because it was. When does a human ever just say, "I'm rocking this and proud"?
Her homework was to write a vision for who she's going to be in this work, including how she'll relate to the person she's helping. That way she never leaves the seat she was hired to sit in.
Your turn.
Pick one relationship this week: your boss, your partner, your kid, a client, or yourself. Are you one-to-one, a happy one or a happy two? Or are you somewhere in the mess? Then ask what it would take to get back.
Why I love small groups
While I coached her, everyone else on that call was seeing themselves. You hear your own excuse come out of someone else's mouth and it suddenly sounds ridiculous. Someone shares a dream out loud, and the rest of us go, "I want one of those." Somebody reports a win, and you feel what's possible. Knowing other people are watching keeps you honest about your promises.
That's how change becomes contagious.
We have a couple of spots open in each of our two small groups:
- Tuesdays at 11:00 am ET
- Wednesdays at 10:30 am ET
Both groups are open to men and women who are ready to stop idling and start living their dream.
Grab your spot →
Join the Tuesday group and be Powerfully Proud
Wednesday Small Group works better for you
Or just hit reply and tell me which day works for you.
Let's go,
Lauren
