What did you not ask for this week?
A while back, I made myself a promise that I'd collect one no every single day.
Not a yes. A no.
I did it because I finally admitted how much my fear of rejection was running my life. I wasn't asking for things. I was hinting, hoping, waiting to be noticed, and then quietly resenting it when nobody read my mind. So I decided the only way through was to get rejected on purpose until it stopped feeling like a big deal.
I asked for a better table at the restaurant. I asked for a discount. I asked someone to join me for dinner. I asked for help I would normally have muscled through alone. Some days I had to really hunt for my no, because (and this surprised me) people kept saying yes.
That's what fear doesn't tell you. It convinces you the no is guaranteed and that it will be devastating. Most of the time, neither is true.
In love
Think about the last time you saw someone you were attracted to. At the coffee shop, the park, a friend's party. And you did nothing.
What if you had just walked over and said, "Hi, I'm ___. What's your name?"
What's the worst that could happen? They smile politely and go back to their latte. You'd survive that. You'd probably forget about it by the next week.
Now try to count the moments you've let pass because you were afraid to open your mouth. The conversations that never started. The people you'll never know. That's the real cost, and it's so much bigger than one awkward moment.
At work
I see this with a lot of clients. Men and women who have worked incredibly hard, who have more than earned a raise, and who still won't ask for it. They tell themselves it's not the right time, their boss is stressed, they should wait until the next review, they don't want to seem greedy.
So we coach them to have the conversation. We get clear on what they want, what they've contributed, and exactly what they're going to say. And then they go in and ask.
Over and over, they walk out with what they wanted. Often more. A raise plus a new title. A raise plus a flexible schedule. Their boss had been assuming they were happy because they never said otherwise.
Nobody was holding them back except the fear.
Your challenge this week
Try it. Collect some no's this week. Ask for the thing. Introduce yourself. Make the request you've been rehearsing in your head for months.
Keep score if it helps. I'm betting you'll be shocked at how many yeses sneak in, and at how little the no's actually hurt.
Want to do this with support?
Lauren Zander is leading a new small group, Powerfully Proud, and it's built for exactly this kind of courage. It's five people, ten weeks, open to men and women, all focused on one thing: ending 2026 proud of how you showed up. In love, in your career, in your life.
You'll have Lauren coaching you, a small group supporting you, me holding you accountable, and a place to practice asking for what you want until it becomes who you are.
Spots are limited to five, so if something in you just said "that's me," don't let fear make this decision for you either.
I'll leave you with this: the worst thing that can happen is a no. And you can handle a no and still walk away proud that you took the leap of courage.
With love,
Kimberly
