What are you telling yourself that isn’t true?
I caught myself creating a theory mid-sentence this week.
I’m dating, and I heard myself say, “The men I like don’t like me, and the men who like me, I don’t like.” And then the rest of it showed up right on schedule: so I’m either going to have to settle or be alone.
It sounded so reasonable. It had evidence. It had a little history behind it. It felt like wisdom.
It wasn’t. It was disappointment talking.
Someone I was excited about didn’t turn out the way I’d hoped, and instead of just feeling that, my brain went straight to writing a theory about my whole love life. One letdown threatened to turn into a belief. And if I’d kept riding it, I know exactly where it goes: I’d show up guarded to the next date, I’d pre-decide how it ends, and then I’d get to be right.
So I stopped and looked at it. Is this a fact? No. It’s a theory I built in a bad moment.
Then I looked at what actually happened, and it’s a different story. I got excited about someone. Really excited. And I’d forgotten what that feels like. It didn’t take convincing. I didn’t have to tell myself he could be good for me or I should give him a chance. I just liked him. That’s the information I want to keep. Not “it never works,” but “oh right, this is what I’m looking for, and I can still feel it.”
That’s the practice. You won’t stop having theories. You’ll have them in the shower, in the car, after a bad meeting, after a quiet phone. The work is catching them while they’re still forming, before you’ve built your week on top of them. Notice the sentence. Ask where it came from. Ask if it’s true. Then choose the version that’s both honest and on your side.
How cool is it that we get to manage our minds?! It is such an important and powerful step toward your dreams. Get your mind on your team!
So this week, listen for it. What’s the theory that showed up after a disappointment? About dating, your marriage, your kids, your money, your body, your job? Write it down. Then ask:
- Is this a fact, or a feeling dressed up as one?
- What happened right before I started believing it?
- What’s actually true here that I’d want to keep?
Hit reply and tell me the theory you caught. I love to read responses to these emails. You can also send in any questions you have about coaching.
And if you’d like people around you who will catch it with you (and call you on it, kindly), we have spots open in our small groups, Tuesdays at 11 am ET and Wednesdays at 10:30 am ET. Men and women both welcome.
Get more info and join the Tuesday group here
Yes, I want to join the Wednesday group
Love,
Kimberly
